Sending Fahim to Daycare

So, today we sent Fahim for his first day at daycare (taska). I wish I can say I’m one of those cool moms who breezed through without tearing up, but I wasn’t. Haha.

We went to visit the daycare yesterday, had a look around inside to check the facilities again (last time we checked to book the place, I was six months pregnant) and met Fahim’s carer. Everything was pretty much fine, and I went home sure that we had identified the best place for him. The payment is RM400 a month for babies, and Fahim is 2 months old today.

Anyhow, he was an especially good boy last night and slept early without needing me to lie down next to him. So I got his bags ready and as I packed up, that was when I got teary-eyed. I actually did cry last night. A normal cry, not a full-blown heavy sobbing episode thankfully. But when we sent Fahim this morning, I was fine.

To be honest, if I had the choice whether to work or to stay home full-time, I’d still choose to work. Even now, when I have Fahim. I love him immensely, but I also know it’s because I love him that I’m sending him to daycare so I can go to work. I know myself. I know that while I loved these eight weeks with him and wished it could have been slightly longer, I also longed for adult conversation and having mental challenges at work. I missed work. Last week, I had my own days of feeling I was losing it when Fahim refused to sleep or screamed through his baths. Being a mom, after all, is hard. So I know that by working, I’d be a better mom. Because I’d miss him. I’d miss him a lot. And so I’d pay more attention to him with the little time I have with him rather than stress about when I could put him down to get a 5 minute shower.

While I am slightly nervous about how well he will be at daycare, I also know that his carers have had more experience with babies than me. They are, currently, probably better ‘mommies’ than me, who still knows so little and am still on the learning curve. I learn a lot from them already, even from this first day. From his log book, it seems that he napped well throughout the day on this first day, and the breast milk I packed for him was enough. Let’s hope things will continue to get better as he grows older.

I thank You, Allah, for blessing me with this baby. And I thank You for the sleepless nights as it taught me that I could survive with less sleep after all. And I thank You because through Fahim, I am learning lessons on unconditional love, nurturing and patience. And the quiet times I have with my husband to talk and drink hot beverages together are that much more precious.

And, typical of any mom, that my camera roll is now 95% Fahim’s pictures and 5% everything and everyone else. Haha.

Maibreakstheice is a blog where I like to tackle life questions through my personal experiences and, where applicable, through my knowledge as a graduate in family counselling. Keep your eye out for updates every Tuesday, or subscribe via email to receive updates straight to your mailbox!

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