My Success And Your Success Is Most Likely Different – So Just Focus On Yourself

So today’s topic is sparked from something that has been niggling in my mind for a while now, and that is to do with the measure of success.

This post is also a rant, and it is a small word of advice to those who are in the same shoes as I am.

So I get asked. A lot.

“What are you doing with your life? You have so much potential, why are you stopping here, satisfied?”

“When are you planning for your next baby? The best time is when you’re young, you know.” (My husband and I can probably write a book to answer this one).

“Why aren’t you using your degree to do something big?”

“Why haven’t you registered yourself as a certified counsellor? You’re just wasting your master degree, just like that.”

And so on, and so on.

Here’s my question. What are you doing with your life?

The thing is, if these questions come from those much older than me, like the previous generation (the generation of my parents and those older), I don’t mind these questions at all. Because I see them as people who can become my mentors, my advisors. They have wisdom that they can impart and share with me. I don’t need to follow everything the older generation tells me to do, but they can certainly give me a different perspective to re-evaluate what I’m doing.

No, my problem is with those who are in my generation who asks these kinds of questions. Some ask in a nice way, as they are honestly curious. Many more, unfortunately, are judgmental because I’m not ‘successful’ as they (apparently) are.

The thing about social media is that it is a platform for us to share our lives with those out there. However, the sad thing about it is that it becomes a platform for comparison, especially for those with self-esteem low enough that they need to compete with everyone.

Who has the better job. The better house. The bigger family. The better vacation. The higher salary. The bigger business.

And if those with “high potential” aren’t coming closer to achieving all this, it’s immediately like we’re a “failure”.

Like, honestly.

My picture of success, and your picture of success, is different. Everyone has a different interpretation of success, and just because my social media does not reflect the success you want to see, does not mean I am not succeeding in my own way.

There are things that are secret. Things we work on quietly without sharing it with anyone else. Things we are planning to do, whether in our heads or already jotted down on paper. Short term and long term goals we have set for ourselves, or with our partner.

If you go on a walk, and you suddenly see man driving a Ferrari. Then you keep walking and see another man wearing the simplest of clothing, walking with shoes that looked like they need replacing.

If you label the Ferrari guy as “successful” and the shoes guy as “unsuccessful”, then that’s a pretty steep judgment for someone you don’t even know.

In my eyes, I would not judge. Because I don’t know which of the two goes to the mosque more. Or which made their wife and family happier. Or which raised their children with better moral values. Or which earned their living through honest means without cheating or backstabbing anyone.

The point is, it’s high time we stop judging. It’s high time we even stop assuming that people want the same things we do. Because it’s most likely not going to be the same thing. If you want to go that race, go yourself, but don’t pull me along. Because my goals are different.

If you’re not my husband, chances are you don’t even know what I’m targeting for. Because sometimes, people just want to work quietly on their dreams and not share it with the world.

So if you see that person happily driving a local car, living in an apartment, taking vacations inside the country, having a child growing older and older without any second or third child coming soon…

Don’t judge. Ask if you’re curious. But don’t judge. Because you don’t dictate how successful they are in their lives. They do. So just focus on your life.

If you, on the other hand, can relate to this post, then here’s what I want to say to you:

Just keep going. You don’t need to answer to anyone. Keep your head high, keep your goals clear in sight, and no matter how fast or how slow you’re working towards it, just keep walking. Because we are put here on this earth to play different roles. So play yours, and do it with dignity.

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